So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
