I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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