She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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