I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize