I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
