i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When are your genitals available?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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