the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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