Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
