I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
