she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
