This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
