Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
