yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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