absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
