I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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