is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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