Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
