i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
