nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He felt like a one man threesome
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm bleeding and have questions
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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