I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
