Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
