some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
