i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
