I can't watch pbs sober anymore
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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