porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
