at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
home. puking in laundry basket.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
