you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
