just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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