Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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