did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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