I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
