So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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