Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
