The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
