y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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