You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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