Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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