This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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