i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
