Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
