it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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