can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
third nipple confirmed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
