I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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