just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
