Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
