i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
