so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
