We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
