well I can't set my house on fire every night
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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