but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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