I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
