More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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