I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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