so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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