Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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