need another drink. this is the easiest way
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
