Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
