Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
