i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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