i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this will be a night to untag.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
