Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
