Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
