Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
