I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
