Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
