apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize