Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she told me i tasted like america
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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