Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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