I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
