Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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