No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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