Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
