if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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