Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
